Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
