he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
