Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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