i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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