Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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