Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
