i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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