I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize