I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
