We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
