If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
