this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
