I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
