Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
