If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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