Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize