:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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