I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
