just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
