I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Randomize
