Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
