Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
