Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
