Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
