There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize