I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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