I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
