So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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