i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
