i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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