If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
