i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
