So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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