i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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