I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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