That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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