Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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