Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
