so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
