I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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