I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
