life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
