I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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