So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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