I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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