To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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