Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
