I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There r osticjed everywhere
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
