White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.