it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest