Dude i fell asleep inside of her
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful