I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
