I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
