Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
