before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
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So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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