Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
whose ass print is on the piano?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
