I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.