I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I pour the whiskey from now on