I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.