Whod you bang
My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.