I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.