plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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