Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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