Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
