never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
