He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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