Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
