"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
