you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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